My Next Thirty Years

Light it Up Blue....

World Autism Day is on Saturday, April 2, 2011. Many prominent buildings (Empire State Building, Sydney Opera House, Rockefeller Center) will be lit blue on the evenings of April 1 & 2 to raise awareness for Autism.  I will be wearing blue in support.

I don't usually use the blog to promote fundraising or anything of the sort because honestly I am embarassed to do it. I am raising money for Js school, the are doing a 5K to  raise money. I have met my goal but would love to raise some more for an organization that has made a huge difference in our lives. Here is a link to my fundraising PAGE, please consider helping out. 

I am greatly appreciative for all those who have offered me kind words, prayers and support as I have needed them on this journey with Jimmy. 

Today I actually had quite a few word approximations from Jimmy. He told me several times this morning Ready to Leave. It wasn't perfect but it was distinct. He also said Daddy really clear. Along with Hungry. We do not get words every day so this was a banner day.

Thanks for reading along tonite.

Oh and for April I am doing something fun with some girls from HOP so be on the lookout for that hopefully tomorrow.

 

 

The first step....

Today I took the first step towards a healthier me. I have been slowly getting back into the groove with walking. I did 9 miles the past 2 weeks. I do so well when G is working but when he has days off I tend to slack off. Today I rejoined Curves.

I was a member of Curves when Miss C was a baby. I did really well. I lost 11 pounds and a slew of inches before I slacked off. Actually the parking at Curves I went to had no parking so it stunk. There is one about 3 miles from my house. I could actually walk on a really nice day.

Tonite I joined, and did my first work out. They have really changed some of the machines. Makes me super happy. The trainer was kind of surprised I was in my target heart rate pretty fast. 

I set a mini goal I am happy with and a long term goal of where I want to end up. I also joined their biggest loser contest that starts on Friday and ends June 20th. Lots of accountability. I am also going to keep up with my walking. I am going to try and walk 7-10 miles per week and Curves 3-4. It feels good to have started back on the journey to a healthy me.

Also with the big 4-0 in October, our vacation in August and our vacation in December (with some great people) I am looking forward to being the best me I can be.

Catch you all on the flip side.

 

Crazy Busy

So sorry about that I did not mean to drop off the face of the earth like that. I had so many great things to say but life just was totally insane. We are in the midst of dance competition season so it just gets hectic on top of other things.

I have to tell you this little guy makes me happy. We have been working on a few things with him and some of it he is just getting.

He seems to have calmed down immensely and it is such a great thing. He is so much more there. Still no talking but he is getting better with requesting and there has been less tantrums which is huge.

So we have been trying to potty train he gets the concept. He will even go in the bathroom put the seat on the toilet, take his pants off and sit just not sealing the deal. Trying to wait until it is spring to go full throttle and get the school involved.

We have been playing on the iPad with him and a spelling game. He does so well with it and can put the letters where they go with very little prompting. I need to find some other things he will like and don't have annoying noises ;)  I just feel like we are getting some things worked out. I cannot wait until our appointment in July.

So onto other things the girl is fabulous and she will be getting her own post in the coming days. I have been walking everyday this week. I feel great it is just. Just wish the scale would move. Need to recommit to 100% healthy eating and no more than 2 meals per week of crap food.

In other things I have decided for April I am going to join Heather and Amanda with their happy feet fun. This was inspired by Lisa at perfectly imperfect which means I definitely need to get a pedicure before then. I would love for more people to join us. 

Oh and as for my positive attitude, I am moving forward with it. Just trying to find the good in everything I can, it has done wonders for me so I need to keep at it.

Catch you all on the flip side.

Climbing Back....

If you have been following along this blog for the past year. You will know it has been a rough one. I have had way more bad days than good days. After a horrible Sunday, this past weekend I decided I really needed to let it all go. The negativity, depression and bad feelings were just pulling me down into the abyss and I can not let fertility issues and other struggles define me.

I woke up on Monday and stated to myself and posted on Twitter that I was going to focus on the positive. It was not easy but by the end of the day I was still in a pretty good mood so that made me happy.

This morning I woke up with a killer headache and said to myself I am going to remain positive even through the pain and it worked. 

I will tell you it is not easy but I think once I really and truly embrace the positive it will be worth it and I will see results in all aspects of my life.

It also helped that I received fabulous news from my dear sweet friend Cameron and it really renewed my belief that prayers are answered and miracles can happen. I am going to be eternally grateful to her for sharing her news because it feels like a tiny part of my soul is finally healing.

Let me tell you having a broken soul is absolute torture and I am sure I have tortured those around me long enough. So I am going to focus on climbing back from the abyss and feeling comfortable in my own skin and with who I am in life.

Catch you all on the flip side.

This Makes my heart smile

Last night Jimmy decided to have a party in his room from about 1am - 4am. There was a lot of giggling and jumping on the bed. I figured when I went to wake J up I was going to have Mr. Crankypants.

 {I love this picture. He got into the blueberry pie)

So I wake Jimmy up and tell him when he is ready I will be in my room. About 3 minutes later I hear him start running towards me with the biggest smile and giggling like crazy.

I have to remember that even though he doesn't really talk and has his issues. He really is a joy. So today I am cherishing the hugs I received this morning, the smiles he gave me and the sound of his giggles.

Happy Friday Everyone.

I have good days and bad days.

you know I really thought by now I would be having more good days than bad days. I feel like I am on a never ending roller coaster of emotion. I don't know if it is the events of the past year, dealing with Jimmy and all of his problems or even if it is maybe the knowledge I am turning the big 4-0 this year. 

I just thought I would really be through the grieving process of the first but somehow I really don't think I am. I think I have just decided that even though we are never going to try again the unfairness of our long struggle with infertility bothers me. I am blessed to have C & J but I miss what might of been with our 4 angel babies. I really do. It also bothers me that irresponsible people seem to have no trouble but those of us with infertility struggle.

I am also bothered by the fact that I cannot seem to get back into a work out groove. I have absolutely no motivation to move forward. I am making bad choices and not exercising and I know what I have to do but no desire too. 

I am also sad when I read what typical kids Js age are doing and I have to remember that J might never do those things and while I take great joy in the hugs he does give me and when he requests something with his signs it is also a reminder of what we don't get :(

Yes I am in the midst of a pity party but it seems like the bad days are out weighing the good days lately.

I really try to focus on the good and not the bad. I just wish some things were easier.

Hello March.....

March is going to be a crazy month. We have a slew of birthdays, 2 dance competitions, and all the normal things in between you know karate 3 times a week, dance twice a week and J has speech twice a week but it is all good and I am going to embrace it and my crazy life.

Right now though I am trying to find time for a couple of projects I really need and want to get done. One important one though is I am going to finish Js pajama pants that are cut out and make him a coordinating shirt because next week they are having a pajama day at his school. Actually they have something planned for every day for March Madness.

Yesterday was National Pig Day and they were supposed to wear pink. J has no pink so I made him a Hamm (you know from Toy Story) shirt.

I will say this has to be one of my favorite designs I have purchased and stitched out though I will admit I did ruin a shirt because I did not realize it would stitch out sideways. Oh well it worked out in the end.

I also have to tell you that I am very happy March is here because it means just maybe the warmer temperatures are on their way soon too. I really need for it to warm up.

Anyway enough rambling and I will catch you on the flip side.