My Next Thirty Years

Today was one of those days....

I will be the first to tell you that I love my son with every fiber of my being. He is my little miracle boy but today was one of those days where nothing would calm him down. He bounced off the walls from the moment the speech therapist left and nothing would get hime to focus or listen. The only good thing was there were no meltdowns.

You see the squinty eyes in this picture this is what I got all afternoon, everytime I said something. Today it meant I am not listening to you. I am doing my own thing and you are SOL. I love this kid but man there are many days I am at my wits end with him.

I know it is a fools dream to wish for things that I will most likely never see with J but I still wish for them. I also worry so much about how hard things are for him. Simple things like saying yes, no, I want, Mom and Dad. Asking for a drink. Little things and big things are just so hard and I wish I knew what to do do make it better for him. To make it easier. I know I am one of the lucky ones though because I can see the happy little kid inside. The little kid he wants to be if we could ever get rid of the frustration of not being able to do the things he does want to do.

Oh well tomorrow is another day and hopefully it will be a little easier for both J and us.

Hello October!!!

I seriously can't believe that I haven't updated since July. Summer is over. The kids are in school and the activities have all started. Life hasn't slowed down at all. Sometimes it feels like I am drowning but just like Dory in Finding Nemo I just keep swimming. I just keep swimming.

In a few weeks I turn the big 4-0 and when I hit milestone birthdays I think about things I would change and honestly I wouldn't change much. I am blessed with a fabulous husband and two great kids. The one thing I would change if it was ever in my power is that there would be no more kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders. I know I am lucky because J is rather high functioning with his main deficit in expressive language but what I wouldn't give to have a normal kiddo conversation with him. Since J was diagnosed 2 years ago I am constantly learning things and I am meeting some amazing people and children I never would of before. So instead of being bogged down in the poor me of having a child with ASD I am trying to help the boy have the most normal life he can and I take victory in the small things like I am lucky because J will give me several hugs every day.

He is beginning to play appropriately with C (who is the best big sister). He seeks G out to be tickled and he understands what we say and follows directions. Now if only potty training wasn't a total mind game of control I would be ecstatic.

I am truly blessed to have my little family and everything J is teaching us even if I am too exhausted to do anything a lot of days. Also considering that we could of lost J when he had his surgery after birth I will take it so I am focusing on the positive.

Today I am going to be finishing a present for a little girl having a birthday this week, even if the present is going to be a little late. Then I think I need to make a list of shirts and things I need tomake for our next trip to see the mouse in 84 days.